Monday, July 9, 2012

The Eighth Child

As I've mentioned before, Clark and I have seven children. The Kent children (pictured below) are Becky, Wisp, Charles, and Kimberly. The three Fobs are S-Boogie, Little Dude, and P. Bibby. But I am beginning to suspect there is an eighth child living residing in our home as well.
The Kents
Consider the evidence:

  1. Last week P. Bibby came upstairs from the basement playroom crying. I asked what was wrong, and she said there was a ghost in the basement. (The fact that the older children were down there possibly wearing blankets over their heads and claiming to be ghosts is not relevant to this story. You need only to know that a very reliable two-year-old says there is a ghost in the basement.)
  2. For several days last week there was a pair of blue pajamas lying on the living room floor. Finally I got tired of walking past jammies on the living room floor, so I picked them up and asked Clark where he wanted me to put them. "I don't know," he said, "they don't belong to any of my kids." The pajamas are size 5, which is right in between the sizes Charles and L.D. wear, and they are the style that cover your feet and zip all the way up (or "snuggieboos," as they are known in the Fob family). Clark insists that his children have never worn snuggieboos, and FoxyJ assures me that L.D. has not worn snuggieboos in a couple of years. 
  3. When all seven children were here for the Fourth, S-Boogie put her dirty clothes in the laundry basket in her closet, which would be the logical thing to do, except that she shares a bedroom with Becky and Wisp, and we're trying our best to keep Kent clothing and Fob clothing separate. So once I realized what S-Boogie had done, I fished her shorts, shirt, and panties out of the Kent kids' laundry basket, and sent the clothing home. FoxyJ sent the panties back, explaining that they do not belong to S-Boogie. Clark says they can't belong to his girls because they are the brand Wisp wears, but the size Becky wears, and he and Lana (his ex) intentionally buy different brands for the two girls in order to tell them apart. 
  4. There is a secret garage under our garage. There's a big door that opens into the back yard and a small door that opens into the basement storage room, but both doors are locked. The owner claims his father's Porsche is stored in the secret garage, but I am beginning to wonder. Wouldn't a secret garage be the perfect place to hide the bodies? 
So my current theory is that we have some kind of Lost Boys thing going on in our secret garage, with murdered children appearing to my two-year-old daughter and leaving clothing around the house in order to lead us to their hidden bodies. The only other plausible explanation is that the Martian Manhunter is living in the secret garage--as everyone knows, Martians can change shape at will, in addition to becoming invisible and/or intangible, so he could easily jump from a size 5 boy's snuggieboo to size 8 panties, then slip in and out of the locked secret garage without us noticing. Whatever the case, I think Clark and I need to demand a decrease in rent if we're going to be sharing the home with someone else, whether alien or dead. 

Would you rather have this man living below your garage, or dead children?
Bonus: The title of this comic is totally apropos for this post, is it not?

No comments:

Post a Comment