Friday, August 31, 2012

Justify My Love

I am:
  1. Rational to a fault. By which I mean my brain doesn't allow me to simply think or feel something if I can't rationally justify it. So, for example, it's not enough for me to know that I love Clark just because that's how I feel; I need to constantly review the reasons why I love him in order to justify the feeling. This is probably not fair to him, as he shouldn't feel like he needs to constantly provide me with reasons to love him, but I'm going to count my recognition of that unfairness as a safety net--if there's ever a day when I can't think of reasons to love him, my rational brain will point out that it's not fair to require reasons, and force me to fall back on the fact that I just do. 
  2. A list-maker. 
If I were a supervillain, this is the supervillain I'd be. Yes, I know, lame.

 Therefore, Reasons Why I Love Clark Today:
  1. He went to a Common concert with me last night. He was worn out from a long week, finds rap music grating, and feels claustrophobic in crowds, but he went with me because I wanted to go and didn't want to go alone. He did not have a good time, though he made a valiant effort, swaying to the music of the opening act and singing along when audience participation was encouraged. I will not ask him to go to a rap concert again, as I don't enjoy making him suffer, but I appreciate knowing that I'm important enough for him to do something he really doesn't want to.
  2. On a similar note, he blogs because he knows blogging is important to me and therefore he wants to be part of it. I don't need him to blog--I would be okay with it being my thing--but it means a lot to me because it's his way of showing that what matters to me matters to him. Also, I enjoyed reading his first post, and I look forward to reading any future posts.
  3. He reads my blog. Not just this blog, but also my old blog. He's somewhere in the middle of 2006 now. This is something he just decided to do on his own, but it delights me to know he's reading my old posts. My sister always accuses me of not talking about my feelings. Admittedly I don't go too in-depth into my feelings even when blogging, but I do express myself more openly in writing than I do in real life. Meaning, writing is one of my primary methods of forming intimate relationships, so I appreciate that Clark has shown interest in getting to know me better in my native language, as it were.
Okay, my rational mind is satisfied. Now I will go find something I can do to give Clark reason to love me back.

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